In Other Breaking News

buddha-1297531_640Mom Spotted Not Wearing Lululemon Clothes At Tazza

At a local coffee shop this morning a mom was spotted wearing jeans and a sweater instead of her usual lululemon attire. When she ordered her nonfat latte and Skinny muffin, an audible gasp arose from the patrons around her because they realized she was not even wearing a baseball cap with her hair tucked under. While reaching into her Hermes Evelyn bag to pay, she accidentally dropped the key fob to her Range Rover. The woman who was on line behind her bent down to retrieve it for her and was heard to ask the mom why she had ditched her normal outfit.

The woman in the jeans responded that she had looked at the gym schedule for the day, and seeing that the yoga instructor was unavailable because she was stuck in lotus position, the spin class was full, the Zumba instructor was too worried about being deported if Trump should win to teach, and the Barre had broken when a woman who weighed more than 87 pounds came to class and leaned on it, she decided to skip her morning routine and try something else. The woman who had picked up her fob continued to query her, as she still didn’t understand what was going on.

The mom not so patiently explained that instead of exercising, and since she had ended her latest cleanse, she was going to spend her day eating regular meals with gluten and refined sugar. She also planned to give her nanny the afternoon off and drive her children to their activities since the children (ages four and six) would be departing for their seven-week sleep away camp in Maine in a matter of weeks. In addition to skipping the gym, she said she had cancelled her afternoon tennis game, personal shopper and her appointment with the Hamptons real estate broker because her therapist felt that deciding between multiple mansions was too much pressure.

Upon leaving the coffee shop she was heard to mutter that she could only take one day of this and planned on returning to her regularly scheduled life the next day. Further developments will be reported as they occur.

 

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