Really Late Breaking News


Mom Opts Not To Put College Sticker On Car–

by Guest Blogger Jane Doeberg

In a controversial move, a local mom has decided not to put a sticker with the name of her child’s college on her car. Although her son got into his first choice school, which is both well known and prestigious, she felt she would internalize his achievement, rather than broadcast it.

After years of employing a staff for their son, which included subject tutors, college coaches, SAT and ACT preparatory sessions, essay writers, a psychologist, and a yogi to help their child maintain a sense of balance, the parents was certainly relieved when their older child  received his early acceptance notification. The parents made it clear that the fact that their son, Tyler, would be attending their alma mater had nothing to do with their regular meetings with the Dean of the school or the significant financial contributions they had made. The mom also commented that Tyler would most likely feel quite at home at the University, since many of the buildings in which he would be attending classes bore their last name.

While having an overpriced organic lunch in town with her girlfriends, the mother explained that the college had overlooked his high school GPA, and had instead accepted him based on his incredibly sweet nature and the fact that he had volunteered in a third world country for two consecutive summers, even posting Facebook photos of himself and the locals.

The mom stated, “We always knew how special Tyler was, and we were thrilled that the University recognized his uniqueness as well. We actually feel sorry for people whose kids are not as extraordinary as Tyler, which is one of the reasons we won’t be displaying the college sticker on our cars. We plan on following the same policy when his younger sister gets into the same school.”

In another act of benevolence, the mom stated that she would also be downplaying her son’s summer internship at a major Wall firm saying, “bragging just isn’t something I feel comfortable doing.” Impressed by her altruistic nature, her girlfriends, while not completely understanding how she could be so noble, lauded her actions and secretly wondered if they could be strong enough to follow suit. Before leaving lunch for her blow out appointment, the mom added, “In the end, all we cared about was the quality of education our child will receive over the next four, five, or six years, not the fact that the school is ranked in the top 15 of US News.” Further developments will be reported as they develop.





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