Extremely Breaking News


Parents Decide Three Sports For Fall Season Is Enough For Son

In an unprecedented move, parents of a local eleven-year-old boy have decided not to sign him up for a fourth sport for the upcoming fall season. Although the boy had already committed to playing travel basketball, baseball and soccer for the season, the parents had considered adding football to his schedule but decided against it at the last minute.

When interviewed for this article, the parents said, “We know Jordan is a very talented athlete and, although we felt he could certainly handle a fourth sport because he’s done it before, we decided he should focus on the other three sports, thereby increasing his chance for a college scholarship.” They explained how he managed to fit in all the practices and games each week and described how Jordan layered his various team jerseys, peeling each one off in the car, thereby eliminating the need to change clothes when he switched sports. They said football was the logical sport to jettison because the pads didn’t work with some of his jerseys. The parents were also a little concerned because their son had already suffered two concussions, one when he played a season of lacrosse and the other when he was trying out for the local wrestling club. In an effort to save additional time, they told this reporter that Jordan ate dinner in the car most weeknights, as well as all meals on weekends and when there was a Monday holiday tournament. They also described how he did his homework while showering, having the mastered the ability to use the sprayer with one hand while turning pages in a textbook with the other.

In order to eliminate extraneous activities, the parents further explained that Jordan no longer went for religious instruction, music lessons, or was allowed free time for play. In fact, they said that if his grandparents wanted to see him, they had to come to his games. They stated that, “We have recently heard that those college scholarships are harder to get than we originally thought, so we have added personal trainers and clinics to his weekly schedule. We know that in the end, he will be part of the elite few who plays college and, eventually, professional ball.”

When asked for his take on limiting his fall schedule to only three sports, Jordan started to answer but fell asleep mid -sentence. His parents instead answered for him, saying he was actually thrilled to be so busy and knew that the sacrifices were a small price to pay to achieve his dream. Further developments will be reported as they occur.


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