Breaking News: Trump Proposes Arming Students

terror-2662817_1920In response to the recent Florida school shooting which left seventeen dead, President Trump has decided to push for legislation which would arm students as young as seven. Taking their lead from the President, Republicans in both the House and Senate will introduce a law requiring children to carry guns at school.

In a recent speech, Trump said that, “Naturally, kindergartners and first-graders are too young to carry guns, but I feel that by second grade all students should be armed. Many, many people -some of the best people in the world- are saying this is a great idea. My best idea yet.” Trump also suggested that gun training start as early as nursery school. “The Islamic terrorists are doing it and we’re falling behind. I know that the NRA, which is fantastic, will subsidize families that cannot afford to purchase guns for their children.”

Trump affirmed that his proposed “Guns for Kids” program would level the field and make every child feel safer at school. He had originally suggested only arming teachers but decided that plan didn’t go far enough and that this was “a more comprehensive solution.” While heading out for a round of golf at Mar-A-Lago, Trump declared, “Believe me, this is going to work. I guarantee that there will be fewer deaths. What could possibly go wrong?”

At a White House press conference, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders spoke to reporters and said that the NRA had assured the President that the “Guns for Kids” program would solve the country’s mass shooting problem, at least in schools, and could probably work elsewhere as well. Sanders said that, “arming clergy and congregants in every house of worship is also being considered.”

Further details will be reported as they occur.




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